In Continuing on my Southern Oddessy, I've wound up in Keller Texas. It's not to far outside of Fort Worth... my stay here will be brief before i FINALLY return to the bay area. Within the length of time betweenleaving bay area... working in New orleans and living in the Louisiana semi-rural land....and even spending some time in Memphis Tennessee, I've accumulated some sort of warpped anxiety of white people.

Instances:

Mothers day in Louisiana i spent with my fairweathered grandmother, we traveled to nearby Hammond, I believe home of ms.Jamie lynn Spears. It was my grandmother and step-grand dad and their married couple friends, all over the age of 60. They spent 2 hours looking for a place to eat....and my grannys friend, Elmer suggested a place in the countryside named Charlies. When we approached the place it looked like a large Trailer home instead of a eatery. And it was jam packed with "really white " people. good ol' boy looking people.... and I started to sweat. My grandmothers friend asked me if i was afraid and spoke yes...and asked if they'd been here before. they said once..and don't be surprised if we don't see any brown faces. I was flustered and beyond upset... I thought...

"These are older Black people who were born in the south and lives through the 40's,50' and 60's.. my step grandfather being 76 years of age... why aren't they terrified? Don't they have better sense then to bring ME here! ah i hate them!"

The place was indeed packed. No black people at all. But the wait would have been 2 hours. So we left.


Instance 2:
Going to the gym in the apartment complex and being uncomfortable when I'm left in a room with a white woman on the treadmill or an old lady trying to aerobics. I will leave.

Or today a father let his little girl run wild and i was taking the garbage out and she spoke to me and I ignored her.

So it's safe to say my kneejerk reaction is to over react and i'm actually generalizing white southern people as racist...and possible of misconstruing my actions.... calling the police on me if i'm out at night taking out the garbage or utilizing the gym. complete fear and loathing. I feel better when i'm at Mc Donalds and theres black patrons or i'm around black people... when... indeed it was the OPPOSITE in California. I find this fascinating and scary. I'm actually assuming all white people are racist while just trying to avoid the POSSIBILITY of any attack. White people do this to black...Blacks can do this Arabs.... it's rooted sometimes with the best of intentions. For me it's a combo of the "WalMart" arrest and going into the south with preconceptions...and the mass media in my head. The stories... the history.


So i thought i'd come here to spark some convo on the root of this problem and how it manifested itself with me... a (i'd like to think) concious person of color...reasonable for the most part, who desires change and fluidity between races.

So here's my current experience... Please do what you guys do best... deconstruct and investigate and report.