The implication in your post was that she had started the oppression comparison, which is why I addressed it. From what I read she was attacked. (however, I'll re read it again, in case I missed something), so she reacted. And I totally agree that racism isnt pretty no matter who spouts it. however there is so much in place to squash the topic, whenever a POC brings it up. And I think that's more the issue Robin is addressing.
what you said makes sense. particularly about the threats and such. And I also agree with the two examples of how a topic could have been raised.

However, you being a leader in the community I worry about the language you use, as it indicates a certain way of thinking. Things like "perceived oppression" goes back to the "your experience is not really what's happening" type of thinking that I addressed earlier. it's unfair even if she was young and spoiled, to imply that her experiences are no real. Also, I often take offence to the term "race card" as it was created as yet another way to dismiss talking about race in a real productive way. It offers a way to dismiss racism and the experiences that occur because of that.

Im also not understanding how being a Black woman, looking for a Black female mentor is racist.

And as for sexism.. I wasnt asking about your experience. I was asking if you that if sexism came up in your group with as much "passion" would have treated that issue in the same way. The "somewhere else is a better place to discuss this" place. Or would it have moderated to a polite discussion and discussed?

Domina, The issue was not whether YOU personally were trying to be racist. That wasn't why I started this thread. I started this thread because at that moment I was feeling very frustrated by what I see as a common thing. A person of color tries to say that she thinks she might find more acceptance of where she is at from another black person, that they might get things that clearly that group wasn't getting, and people start babbling about a bunch of stuff that isn't relevant to what the person of color is saying and never even try to check in with themselves about whether there may be something real to be seen in that. Instead of someone saying, "why do you think that you might get a different reception from black folks?" people just started talking about historical oppressions that have nothing to do with their personal experiences in the situation the black person is talking about.

I also read the thread that was erased and she didn't frame it in the way you are saying she did, at all. She didn't come on and say only black women could teach her. She said she was looking for a black woman mentor and if anyone could recommend one please do. She may have said she could learn best from someone who got it the way she did, but she was not insulting when she said it. My lover and friend were over my shoulder when I read it and we saw none of what you are saying was there. She did say "If you're a Brother and know someone" good to let her know. That IS asking for advice from black men.

I think you are extremely heated up about her threats, which is reasonable, but the slant you are seeing the convo through is not one that is true to how she put herself forward. She never said that non-black people had no good opinions or nothing to share, she just said something I hear lots and lots of people of color say: I might learn best from someone like me, with some of the same background and some of the same culture and yes someone of the same race. That makes tons of sense to me. And she may very well be right.For instance, a white person in America is never going to experience being called a slave the same way a black person is. Especially if it happens in public. At Dore this past weekend I went on a leash and several folks called me slave (a phrase i intensely dislike) without thinking twice about it. I can imagine that a black person unfamiliar to all the hoopla around BDSM might have had whole layers of stuff I don't have if someone did the same thing to them.

BTW- If she really did claim (which I don't read anywhere) that white people had nothing to share with her, then why did she ask several of them to be her friends and in her friend requests tell them she thought she could learn from them? She asked me to be her friend for instance. And she said she had asked Mercedes. And in her friends list were several other white people.

I saw this woman picked at from the moment I saw her first post on tribe in a BDSM community. There was not an attitude of openness directed at her. Almost everything she said had a plethora of people lecturing her. It didn't make sense to me and it seemed like folks were ganging up on her instead of trying to understand where she was coming from (though she did get a somewhat better reception on the Citadel tribe), so I don't blame her for thinking it might be cause she was black. Not in the color of skin, but in being culturally black and expressing herself as I have seen lots of black people express themselves. Strong and straightforward. I live in Oakland, I see people express themselves assertively and loudly about all kinds of things. It's cultural. I think some of the issues she has were because she is culturally black and people responded negatively to that. I see that happen all the time.

I don't think, at this point, it matters to go into all kinds of you say, I say. You took my post here as being about you and it wasn't. It was about my frustration with what I see go down over and over and over. This was just one example. A black person says that they might be able to hear something better from another black person/people and people begin to get into a huge flurry of upset over it. Then they bring up all kinds of side stuff that really has nothing to do with what the black person is talking about and which in some ways shut down and deny the black person who is saying that color does have something to do with their PERSONAL experiences.

I can't seem to get both this thread and the other thread open at the same time on my browser. If you think I worded wrong when you ended the discussion of race, I'll take your word for it. I don't agree with how you have framed lots of other things, but my point in starting this thread in here is about more than just this one instance. It is about how in the BDSM community I regularly see people shut down when they bring up race (and often class) as a reason why they might be feeling uncomfortable. They are shut down by being shouted down. There is a flurry of posts about how they got it wrong and "we aren't like that". I think this is about subtler stuff than overt racism in terms of name calling or some such. I think it is cultural. AND it IS probably a large part of why people of color tend to stick with other people of color when doing BDSM.

I'm moving out of the country in a month and I have a million things to do before then, so I don't have the time I wish I did to really write about these subtleties here.

If you feel maligned I'm sorry for that. You have stated you would be comfortable with a discussion of race in the tribe. That's great. It would be great if in the tribe you said you feel that way. I didn't feel that when you shut down the discussion in that thread so maybe others had wrong interpretation that I did. You were an example of what I see as a larger issue and this thread really wasn't about you personally. It was intended to for me to see if others had advice for what I see as a recurrent situation and what I could do in that situation.