I Just had the scariest, most confsing, fucked up hour of my life. Maybe in the top 5 at least.

While still in Covington Louisiana, I headed out today to do last minute Christmas shopping for someone i forget to buy for. My cousin Teresa dropped me off at Wal-Mart, where i was picking up wired cash. The process was simple. The line to customer Service wasn't very long. My cousin was supposed to circle around and I'd hop back in the Car and we'd go to shopping for a some kind of massage device for my aunt, that my mom wanted me to buy for her.


My anxiety tightened like a steel noose. I've been experiencing the holiday blues and I've been Anxious to get back to California. Plotting and Planning. Apartment hunting and balancing what cash i have in the bank so i come up alright. My mind is whirlpool.... fastly spinning... in motion. I don't wanna be out here on this day, in a wal mart parking lot for that matter.


I leave the Store looking for Teresa and her big deep red suv. To me All Suv's look a like. I never pay attention makes... Cars period confuse me. That's why I tried my damnest to avoid driving one. All i know is that i'm looking for a red SUV...in a huge parking lot. It's cold, and I'm not dressed to wheather. I spend the next 25 minutes furiously going up and down the parking lot hoping to spot her or increase the chances she'll see me. I rushed out of the house so fast that i left my phone. In my fury, i regret that decision. Or lack of... Things were about to get worse.

I wait... more... until i decide that i should just walk home. I feel humilated because i must look strange to people. I notice people looking at me strange.I figure that Its me... my social anxiety. My fear of people... people are wierd and shit. Come on. I think it's a shared feeling. Especially southern people. Louisiana people. In the past mouth my contempt for them has slowly boiled into a rue. A deep dark ruby red hue. I started wearing baseball caps to shield myself form the cold and maybe aid with contact with these people.

It's awful to feel that way. I'm slightly guilted.

I have no clue that the boiling rue of contempt towards a town and a state is about to rise above the lid and spew all over my face. I'm about to get burned.

After spending ALL this time searching for my ride, I exit the parking lot. On my way to exit the parking lot a car cuts in front of me. I speed up doing a fast jog to the closest curb. A guy suddenly appears in front of me with a taser aimed in front my face. I quickly think.... Oh Thats a taser...thats what it look like.

Two guys in Back appear. I hear yelling. My brain goes fuzzy but it's not too fuzzy that i don't catch onto whats happening. They're talking to me...and i should do as they say and get on ground. I'm ordered to put my hands behind my back. I'm frisked...asked if i have any weapons or drugs on me. I lay there for a few minutes. Long enough to access the police had me under suspicion of some "Criminal Miscief" .

I'm lifted up off the ground and pushed on the squad car. Back towards the sky.

I'm getting more upset thinking about this shit.Anyways.....

I stood while the rest of my body lay on the hood of the police car for what seemed an eternity. I was calm for most of... pushing anger and confusion, anxiety as deep as i could...and just remained Tranquil.

"Boy, we CAUGHT you. We been trailing you for 20 minutes watching you go up and down the aisle looking into cars and pulling on handles."

WHAT!

THE

FUCK!!

I told him what i was doing. Why i came there. What i was doing in the parking lot...looking for my cousins car...or her. Why i was looking confused. I was looking for A Red SUV with a fat black girl wearing pink in it.PROLLY eating a hamburger,

"You liar. Look here. You can save your stories. We got people...witnessnes watching you in this parking lot... looking at cars."

Huh!!?

"Were you going to steal some wheels. Is that what you were gonna do."

I can comput. A terrible terrible feeling rushing through me. And this comes at the tail end of an excurciatingly tense and emotional week. I'm too exhausted for this shit. I made my plan to get the fuckout of his town. This man who has me leaning on his car wants to throw me in jail. I calmly tell him that if he checks the survailence cameras, it will show that I was simply walking... albiet confused and stressed out looking.. for my cousin. I Tell him i have never been held by the police. EVER. Arrested? NEVER. Not even a talking to. Nothing.

The Handcuff are tightened. When he got behind me...i didn't think he would let me go for some reason after 10 to 15 minutes outside of the car on my stomach on the hood... so... i wasnt surprised when he tightened them and then put me inb the car.

He told me he could put me in for Criminal Mischief. I don't know what that is... but I took a residue of comfort, all i could muster as my stomach ache, and Began to feel dispair. The Car was tiny. A tomb. I began to get clausterphobic.

I overheard racist shit. Fag shit. In the background between the cops and two employees. The manager of wal mart came out.

"Oh yeah. I know Jack. Didn't we just FIRE you!!!"

Oh my god. I QUIT. So the picture was being painted for me. The no good ex employee who only worked there like 3 weeks (i needed the pay check so i whored out...yeah) and left. I was in the parking lot looking to steal a car or pick some shit out of someones car. Even I felt guilty and shameful.

They eventual let me go. They had nothing to hold me on.

He told me if he would have a clear profile of me... he would have hauled me in...and I would have been in jail for Christmas.

He took my information and told me that if anyone in Wal-Mart complains of something missing from their car.... He's "coming for me."

So there's this looming fear that someone could knock on the door at any moment...and it will be police with their tasers and a full on SQUAT force to "take me down" at like 3 a.m. because some old lady misplaced some shit. I'm "wanted"


wanted for getting lost in parking lot.

Nothing else.

I thought this shit was a myth. One can't ignore the racial implications. Theyw ere quite blatant. But shit like that never happened to me before...i've been lost in parking lot looking for a car before.

And however would they get the idea that i was trying doors is beyond me. They probably looked at the tape...I'm sure and knew they had no shit to hold me on.
I was told to stay away from the premises of Wal-Mart. He sent me on my way...as if i were a no good shit head. I was too relieved and foggy brained to be pissed off. I walked home.